I am embarrassed to write this publicly, but here it goes.
I really sucked at human interactions, especially when it involved women. What else do you expect from a guy like me who had spent over 25 years locked behind a computer screen to learn the language of data instead of the language of love.
I was ok with people I knew well but I was far from great.
When meeting strangers I would get anxiety and all I wanted to do was hide. It was bad that I would have anxiety even by asking a supermarket assistant which aisle I could find the Italian tomato puree paste. Instead, I end up coming back home with just a tomato and bash the hell out of it while yelling in an Italian accent. There, that’s the puree done.
When it came to going up to a girl I fancied for a chat, that never happened. The End.
If I talked to a girl it was out of circumstances and not because I initiated it. The one sided conversation sounded like I was reading out the software user licence agreement to her.
It was awkward, dry, and ended fairly abruptly. It was like mentally she was hitting the CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL button repeatedly to get it over with.
That felt horrible. I felt worthless and not good enough.
Maybe she felt sorry for me and made the effort to converse with me. My responses to her were pretty, logical and to the point. This took the conversation nowhere and I couldn’t ask her out on a date. Yeah, my flirting skills wouldn’t even have turned on my computer mouse.
If she happened to like me, I was atrocious at reading the signals. Unless it was explained to me in writing, I didn’t catch onto a girl liking me or not. You need a certain amount of social and emotional intelligence to be better at this.
It wasn’t a requirement to have emotional intelligence when I worked with computers so I never really bothered working on it.
Fast forward to the present, things are different. I enjoy a very dynamic social life and have dated many beautiful, intelligent and loving girls that I used to think were out of reach. Has my social anxiety gone? Emotions don’t go away, however we can learn to manage our emotions so that they don’t have a big hold on us anymore.
Emotional intelligence helps you flirt eloquently. Using logic to flirt is just creepy.
Enough was enough.
I had enough. No more battling my inner critic and letting fear overrule my life anymore. I committed to changing my life, my circumstances, and my future. Nothing was going to stop me.
Life is very different now.
I regularly speak on stages around the world, and the stage is the last place I thought I would be. I still get terrified with many eyes on my every move and word I say. Yet, I go with it.
This is thanks to my commitment to grow, be open, and be willing to get support from my mentors, coaches and peers. Without them, I wouldn't be where I am now.
Many happy, wealthy and content men have a kick ass tribe of men around them regularly. Too many men are over-mothered and under-fathered. This unfortunately happens and these men feel very lonely.
There is one thing I have noticed that pretty much all men want in himself and it is also pretty much all what women want in a man that drives them crazy. It's to be respectful, endring, and undoubtedly produce results.
Most men don't get that you don't have to be perfect to be attracted to. In fact perfection is a turn off as it feels unreal and inauthentic.
You just have to be dedicated to growth and stay committed to yourself.